If you're someone who loves to care, as so many people do, I want you to ask yourself, are you caring and loving in a safe way? Are you caring in a way in which you are not turning a blind eye to the possibility of being caught off guard by circumstances that could put you in jeopardy?
Falling in love is so awesome, but breaking up is messy and can be your worst nightmare. Loving someone or doing things because you care isn’t a secure line of credit. Today is a good time to develop awareness and boundaries.
In 1975, my loving, caring, and somewhat naive mother reached her breaking point after 23 years of marriage to my dad; the straw breaking the camel’s back was my father having sex with the neighbor's wife. My mom booted him out of the house, divorced him, and sold our family home.
What made it so sad was that my mom dedicated her life, as many women of her time did, to raising her five children and caring for all my father's needs. Unfortunately, Betty didn't take into serious consideration that my dad was her sole source of financial survival and without it, she was doomed.
My dad remarried the day after the divorce was final. Shortly thereafter the money stopped flowing consistently.
The last place my mom visited was my father’s luxurious home (compared to her small condo) on Christmas Eve when she did her best to forgive him.
Betty never returned home from that Christmas Eve party. That very night, she was rushed to the hospital, put into ICU, and a few weeks later died with my sisters at her bedside.
Caring and loving is not a guarantee when the relationship ends you’ll get a fabulous severance package. On the contrary, you’ll more likely be SOL (Out of Luck) if you don’t take precautions.
As a consultant/coach, I hear about these horrible situations which affect more women than men when a significant other simply decides they are through with the relationship and now there are more important things to spend money on than yesterday's partner.
Over the years incredible inroads have helped women become more financially capable. Yet, today I’m witnessing so many women and men who could benefit by taking stock of your intimidate relationship and ask yourself the following questions:
Am I safe if my partner, out of the blue, ends the relationship?
Am I living on some notion that loving and caring for this person is enough to keep things going well?
Am I fooling myself by thinking my special love and care is like a secure credit line which when things go south I’ll be just fine?
If you are like my mom you may think it will never happen to you, but if it did, are you able to land on your feet?
With a divorce rate of 40-50 percent, there is a good chance that if you take all the precautions possible you should be okay.
On the other hand, if you think your caring love has a credit line that can sustain you I’m afraid you’ll be grossly disappointed and possibly left out in the cold.
Solutions:
Begin by clearing your head and not be delusional. Let me state here I’m not by any means a financial adviser, lawyer, or wealth manager.
I am simply an experienced executive life coach who thinks life throws us enough curves so why not learn from the past and keep life running as smoothly as possible?
First things first: audit your current relationship. Take a good honest look at your degree of dependence. If you’re 100% dependent on your significant other you may want to discuss your concerns with your partner and get a hold on financial affairs. Don’t take TRUST ME as a consolation.
Short-term and long-term relationships all need healthy boundaries in order to keep things happy and healthy.
Are you vulnerable if your partner gets up and leaves or stops being responsible for your well-being?
Two major priorities #1. the roof over your head and #2. A car or transportation. These two can make a huge difference when things go out of wack. Not all couples have two cars, so who's on the pink slip?
If your relationship appears to be rocky, or you can’t get satisfactory answers to these questions, get a coach or therapist to get things out of your head and into a live healing conversation. This will help you to iron out the thoughts rambling in your heart and mind.
Be honest with yourself and be proactive. Like the old adage goes It’s best time to get a job is when you have one. Well, the best time to make sure you’ve got all your immediate needs met is when all your immediate needs are met.
If you are headed into a marriage I highly recommend you see a couples coach to look at all the hidden questions both of you might be harboring. Exciting wedding planning can push back the practical needs a couple can use to start off on the right foot.
I’ve worked with many couples prior to marriage and no matter how precious and safe you feel there are always hidden agendas and concerns which when dealt with up front make this legal contract able to rock and roll with better odds. Checking your risk tolerance emotionally is a wise thing.
You might have a partner who’s resistant to couples therapy or coaching, but don’t let him or her stop you. Get an appointment immediately and discuss your deep concerns with a neutral party and you’ll be much better off.
I’m here for you if you need me
With love and gratitude, I thank my mom for loving and caring without reservation. Today is a new day and we all can learn from our past mistakes so we make today a better day for all.
Make your appointment for top-notch coaching today! You’ll be glad you did.
C